Death and 40-somethings
September 3, 2010, 5:02 pm
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Suddenly, I am preoccupied with death. Death didn’t barely garner a mention until I hit 35. Suddenly, moments of incompetence can no longer be blamed on inexperience. People that I assumed were much older than me turned out to be the same age. It became apparent I was not going to ever sit on the Supreme Court.

Tim Russert started it for me. He was just a permanent fixture, who would always be there, whenever I had a chance to tune in to Meet the Press on Sunday mornings, which was a lot pre-kid, and not very often post-kid. But I’d assumed that part of my life would pick up where it left off someday. However, all of a sudden he’s gone. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett were stars of my youth. The stars of my youth are aging. When I watched Star Wars I was blown away by young Harrison Ford. I had forgotten what he looked like then. The passage of time is unstoppable, death is inevitable. It makes me wonder what the point is. And to fear something like the death of one of my children. I dread this so much that I suffer in advance. My recent decision that I no longer believe there is a god underlies the desperation and pointlessness of it all. I read that people get happier in their 40s and 50s. Hoping that shows up soon.